Love them or hate them, you have to acknowledge their existence. Why rail against the inevitable truth? Pickles are made. Pickles are consumed. Pickles have loomed in the human subconscious for millennia.
I like pickles. They’re delightful, especially homemade ones. That tanginess, that little explosion of flavor… I don’t like them so much on sandwiches, but they’re really excellent by themselves. So I have to wonder, when were pickles invented? According to Wikipedia, “pickling began 4000 years ago using cucumbers native to India.” The Pickle History Timeline of the New York Food Museum claims that pickling began in roughly 2400 BC in Mesopotamia. The Pickle Guys, in the History of Pickles page on their website, say that the earliest known pickles were cucumbers pickled around 2030 BC in the Tigris Valley. With three sources roughly agreeing, I think it is safe to conclude that pickles have indeed been around for over 4000 years. Their tyranny has been virtually unopposed. But as usual, America gets the short end of the stick: in India, there are 20 or more commonly consumed varieties of pickle, while Americans are stuck mostly with cucumbers and sauerkraut!
I think it is time to raise an army for the purposes of bringing the banner of the Almighty Pickle into its place of deserved prominence over the townships and cities of the American nation.