Well, it has come to that time in my life: it is now time for me to move out of my parents’ house and move away, to start a new life on my own. I’m moving to a place nine hours, by car, from where I live now. So while I’ll definitely come back to visit every now and then, I’ll be too far away to be much involved in this place anymore. It is strange and exciting to finally be moving on and stepping out on my own, and I’m very happy that it’s finally working for me to do this… but of course, it’s also sad to say goodbye.
I’ve never liked goodbyes. Well, I imagine most people aren’t terribly fond of them, but I’ve always had a pretty hard time saying goodbye. I don’t like to say it. It seems too final. I like to say “see you later.” And yet, sometimes, one must say goodbye. It brings closure for you and others, shows respect and love. Because why would you bother saying goodbye to someone you didn’t like? Unfortunately, I did not manage to say goodbye to everyone I wanted to here, most especially my karate teacher. I am sorry for anyone I missed.
Anyway, I’ve had to say several goodbyes over the last week or so. To friends, to places… to my home and life here. I always feel depressed after saying goodbye. But it strikes me that every goodbye is also a new beginning. Every time you bid farewell to something, you also open the way for something new. I’m leaving behind people and places that I love and like, and a life that has been at times quite lonely and depressing, even hopeless, but has nevertheless had many joys. I discovered my passion for writing here. Fell in love for real for the first time. Earned my black belts. Discovered my abiding love for mountains and forests. Become what I consider to be a true artist. A life gets attached to the place it’s been lived in. It’s like you’re leaving bits of your spirit behind, little ghosts of the things you do and the emotions you feel, all over the places you live. Even more, you leave bits of your heart with the people you care about.
Now, all that can be–is–very hard to leave behind. Sometimes you’re leaving it behind against your will. Other times, like now, for me, it’s by your own choice. But as hard as all that can be to leave… in a new place, you won’t have all those little bits of spirit tying you down. You’re free to make a new life, new choices. There’s no knowing what might happen in a new place. Adventure lies behind every corner, if you have the heart to see it. Goodbyes are not endings. They are places on the road where you must leave something behind before you can continue your journey. Someday you might pick that something back up, but the journey isn’t about recovering what you leave behind… it’s not about taking everything with you… it’s about going on, finding new things, adventuring, loving, losing, breaking, healing, searching. So don’t look back. Who can say what mysterious and delightful twists the road will take?